Friday, December 26, 2008

2008 - What's my Crisis?

Got tagged by whackster to post this, so here goes!!

A weakened Global Economy - No matter where you are, you will feel the effects! the guy trying to migrate finding out that Australia has changed it's occupation list for migration due to rising unemployment, the Man Utd fan finding out that purchases during the January transfer window will be subdued due to the credit crunch and the weakened pound, reduced exports from third world countries creating unstable currencies and hence growing portion of it's budgets to service debt, single working mothers loosing their jobs..... I beleive we have only just started to feel the full effects of this global recession, analysts predict that 2009 will see the height of the problem.......

The final Battle - Billions of rupees spent, will this actually be ''The final Battle''?? can we as a country fail to succeed again? what are the socio-economic ramifications of another failed attempt? i pray to God that the battle will be won for it is in the best interest of the generations to come that we end it now, we need to position ourselved in time for the boom that will surely come as the dust settles with the current Global recession, creating the best climate for investors would be ''ending the war'', Dear God, pls end the war before the global economy turns again......

Gaza - This has gotto end! Not taking sides on who started this current escalation in conflict, but the fact remains that innocent people are dying and the world seams such a hell hole to so many who are suffering as a result!

Wish everyone a good ol 2009! Happy New Year folks...

Tension, Lust, Compassion - One called Caro

To the sweetest thing,
The one called Caro,
You lit up my world, during my darkest hour.
I was nestled in the arms of a beast, filled with illusion of being in yours.

The sweet temptation of a smile divine,
Haunting me & wanting me to cheat on the beast.
6 months I battled, the beast filled with rage.
Your eyes, your gentle gestures, a hope of freedom, trapped in this cage.

Glory & honor,
To the longest coffee…..
1 whole hour, banter & laughter,
Monday through Friday, 9am to 6 pm
A temporary escape from the clutches of that beast,

Though I never cheated on the beast,
A million times the thought crossed my mind.
The warmth of your sweet embrace,
The softness, moist of a kiss enchanted
Kept playing in my head like a record overplayed

The day will come, Freedom will reign!
Breaking the trappings of a grizzly love with a beast,
The day did come, it all just happened so fast….
Trading the beast for a beauty like you,

One weekend, it’s all I got….
To be with you, the one called Caro,
We walked the beaches of Kalutara,
Sat down, smoked, and watched the sun go down……

The sky was a burst of red & orange,
Igniting the horizon as the Day gave way to night,
Little crabs, busy at work….
Trying to beat the approaching tide

In a magical moment, my eyes met yours
Gripped with tension, lust and compassion,
The kiss that plagued my mind played out
The taste of Dunhill you just smoked,

Two days of Magic followed,
A sorry illusion of a lifetime promise,
With just one phone call shattered!
It was your ex on the other line,

Another chance you said he deserved,
After all, five or six years you were with him,
Just last week you had said goodbye,
But….. A change of mind had occurred!

I gracefully bowed out,
Knowing well, how my heart felt……
Disappointed….
It’s not everyday beauty comes your way,

It’s all over now,
But still my heart beats for you…. NOT an obsession but a Sweet Sweet emotion,
Like honey to the bees…..
For the one called Caro,

Saturday, December 20, 2008

This year I…….

Got tagged by Whackster to post this, it's been long overdue......

Found out that breaking up with someone can be a truly fulfilling feeling!

Changed Jobs,

Started blogging…..

Went scuba diving off the coast of Guam, married a hot blonde & won a lifetime supply of Carlsberg all in one fricking dream!

Became one of the first fans of Ajantha Mendis!! Gooo Meeeendiiisssssssss…… c’mon mother Lanka!

Drove all the way to Galle just to watch our asses kicked by Harbajan & all those other sorry Indian pussies….. $%#%$&

Started the final year of my Degree,

Had more beer than the combined efforts of 2004, 2005, 2006 & 2007

Wish the same was true for me getting laid. But, something’s rarely change eh??

Figured that Negombo by far offers so much more than Hikka!!! In your face hikka….
(all you Hikka ppl have obviously not gone restaurant hopping in Negombo, the brick oven pizza’s, the early morning cappuccino by the beach reading the paper, the wild boozing at The Rodeo, all just 32 Km from Colombo!! Wake up people…..)

This year I…. tended to get carried away endorsing Negombo over Hikka….

Became 22 years old

Put on 10 Kg, yup…. 74Kg now & have reached the upper limit of my Body Mass Index…..

Was called chubby for the first time in my life! F U 2!! (No, not you, the guy who called me chubby)

Went clubbing in Shorts & Bata’s, got so drunk, & slept on the floor for a whole day coz I was just too cocked to get up really! (Memory to be shift deleted)

Sang the Aussie national anthem at the top of my voice (was drunk of course) on the streets of Kuala Lumpur convincing everyone the All Blacks were going down,

I was proven wrong about the All Blacks going down for the 5th consecutive year……

Was disappointed by Kimi Raikonnen, John McCain, The Wallabies, Arsenal, the LTTE (ha ha, not even a proper comeback from you Jungle tiger bunnies!!)

Found out that Life is not so boring if you tend to reflect on all the crazy things you just did this year!!

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Am I really over the Hill?

How was my weekend??
Well, after spending Friday which was a Poya sweating away in the scorching heat trying to recapture past glories of being a good six a side cricketer (in my back yard of course), I was to find out the next morning that forgetting the basics for an old man of 22 is quite painful! I woke up with my body hurting in multiple places & unable to sit down to take a leisurely crap in the morning, all because I was dumb enough not to warm up or warm down,

The cricket was not the only problem, having slaved away from 4pm to midnight on Friday decorating the church for the youth Christmas service the next evening compounded the body aches, that Friday night I found out why I will never marry a qualified interior designer!!

I thought my mom was difficult when it came to decorating! But life always throws things at you to raise your level of belief that anything is possible,
Having a qualified deco specialist in Church was excruciatingly painful, she made me carry a 120Kg log with a buddy (The log of course was stolen at 11pm from some unsuspecting neighbor’s garden), having to carry it over my shoulder whilst worrying about another neighbor taking his Rothviler for a walk for 500 meters was er…. A novel experience,

Saturday came & went, carol service was err… Good,
Sunday… well…. More body pains!
An eventful weekend of trying to play cricket & having my entire body cramping was to be topped off by some little brat playing cricket down my street,
I was walking down the road to my place when suddenly a tennis ball went flying over my head from a garden onto the street; the ball came to a halt.
UNCLE UNCLE!!
UNCLE UNCLE!!

I turned around in a flash to notice that not 1 but 3 little brats had categorized me with the old in society, a ‘’Chaminda’’ so to speak!
I had little time to waste, I had to get the ball back into the brats garden before someone known came along the road & started laughing. For a moment, the body pains disappeared as I launched into action, my sweaty palms grabbed a hold of the tennis ball almost Jonty Rhodes like! With one quick fling the ball went flying into the ‘’garden of the brats’’ & my honor was in tact, for none had heard what the brats had just called me.

Yet, after the body pains at just 22, being called an Uncle……
I kept wondering if I’m really over the Hill?? Hhhmm……..

Thursday, December 11, 2008

Some Easy Chords

well..... it's official,
not all of us are blessed like Don Henley & i certainly aint one of them,

but the good news for many guitarists out there today is that there are a host of different websites, blogs & web tools that help average guitarists get their act together!
Suprisingly Plain White T's Delilah is actually just a simple plucking combination between a D chord & F#m Chord, the entire song!! whoa...! The Lyrical content in this song is brilliant & is perfect for a nice ol sing along by yourself.... Check it out on youtube, there's this guy who would guide you along until you start expertly plucking away yourself,

Another song that i came across recently is, well..... i'm sure most people know how to play this by now, but i was again suprised at how easy Snow Patrol's chasing cars was,
Again a very easy plucking combination on a few power chords & you will soon be melancholically humming away to the tune,

If you're a Jack Johnson person like i am, then ''better when we're together'' is a must learn!!
there's a guy on youtube who gives you a perfect lesson on the strummuing pattern & the chord progression! beautiful song to seranade the girls! (Have been having little success in this dept lately though, but every Dog has his day!)

Bruce Springstein's Brilliant Disguise & Fastball's outta my head are some nice ol songs to strum to as well i've found out during last week,

Ps; And how could i forget ''Jingle bell rocks''?? Nice dimmed lights, a bright Christmas tree, good food coupled with the song will surely force me to forget the ''No Bonus'' tragedy & get into the christmas mood!

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

The Choices we make, Shape the Lives we Live

What would the outcome of World War 2 been if not for a single important decision the European power houses made in September 1938??? What if Europe never signed the Munich agreement giving Hitler access to Czechoslovakia?
I guess we will never know,

Some of history’s most fascinating human achievements, discoveries, inventions & tragedies are often pivoted around a single or a couple of insignificant choices (at the time) that people chose to make,
If you probe the world around you enough, the world itself would not fall short of empowering you with the knowledge of the importance that each day brings, a new set of choices….. to be made, enforced….. Therein lies the answer or should I say cure for the often monotonous rat race that we engage in,

To feel excited of making an obscure & mediocre decision in our day to day lives transcends the often shitty feeling that most feel,
Making choices as if History & your very life may depend on it shimmers down a fresh ray of light into what might otherwise be a quite boring reality,

Think of Bill gates, what if he never quit Harvard?
The logical, calculated, risk mitigating choice would have been to stay in College, complete his degree, be recruited by a fortune 500 company, have a nice successful career etc. How different our world would have been if not for a single choice made by a Harvard student?? unknown to Bill at that time, he had just made one of the most important decisions of the 20th century!

There lies a dreamer in all of us……
if we can tap into our inner ability & God given Vision then the fear of ‘’losing’’ itself is lost in the emotion of living out our lives knowing that one day we too may wither away, and before we do, we must give it all we have in discovering the apex of our individual potential,
To do that unfortunately in not always possible by making decisions the same old way that the world has taught us, what the world calls ‘’Risky’’, what the world calls ‘’irrational’’

Remember, the Choices you make, shapes the life you live!
Do you dare make your Choices Different today???

Tuesday, December 9, 2008

Comical Indian creations - 11/26

Comical Indian Creations (Post 1) brings to you an excitingly dim witted attempt by our beloved Indian neighbours at being in with the flow with the happenings of the western world!

Can you beleive the laugh i had channel surfing when i accidentally passed through CBN Cnn & noticed that the great tragedy in Mumbai has been named ''26/11''!!
I just had to snort at this one.....
For Crying out loud....!! 9/11 was ''Month/Day''
But some demented Indian dude who watched too may 9/11 conspiracy theory movies in the production studios of CBN Cnn thought it was so cool to have the tragedy named 26/11 after the day Osama finally managed to get his dick up to Screw America!

Good Job Baiyaa...... must have put a lotta thought into this one! #^#$^7%&^$

Monday, December 8, 2008

Why I’m Glad (Not for Long!)

Now, this might sound like a chauvinistic attempt to justify why men are better off without women,
But the fact of the matter is that I need to voice my opinion before I hit that part of the cycle again, the part which makes feel like ‘’Life is not better without them’’,

‘’The Cycle’’ itself is quite fascinating,
It starts for most men in their early teens (if this is not the case, you might end up marrying Mangala Samaraweera whilst having a soft spot for Elton John or end up a mad fat bimbo of a chef/cross dresser like Koluu) when they feel the need for a girl, once they have them, they get tired of them, they let go, they feel free, as time passes by, the cycle continues, they want them again. I’m currently in the ‘’feel free’’ part of the cycle, with ‘’wanting them’’ fast approaching….. need to write what this feels like before it evaporates!
Been a realist I know I’d be soon be saying… naaaaaagh!!!! I didn’t write that…… no way!

Now…….
doesn’t it feel so darn good when you are watching Arsenal Play Manchester United without the potential threat of a phone call!! For crying out loud…! The dates been fixed on my calendar for 6 freaking months….. Can you believe the nerv some women have to ask given such circumstances, ‘’is Football more important???’’
I would not be doing justice to my Dialog GSM calendar which has the dates circled in big black bold letters!!

Actually having to explain why you opt to have a beer with the boys rather than watching the 5th season of sex & the city for the 8th time over is unjustifiable….

And to have you disturbed while studying for an exam that cost you 3 months pay, simply to find out that The Ellen show is on is crazy! Hell yeah CIM is more important….

Carmen Elektra pops on the screen, you smile! (how can you not smile when you see the goddess of all lap dancers pop up on TV???)
& you have to spend the next 3 hours explaining why, GF is not chubby, why you are not into Carmen Elektra anymore & how if you had the choice you’d select GF over Carmen Elektra, valuable time lost which could have been spent watching the 5th season of sex & the city for the 10th time over.

I know it’s important to keep telling someone why you love them, but having to be creative whilst answering the question ‘’why do you love me’’ for the 16th time on the same day is ludicrous,

Guys Pls help add to ‘’why I’m Glad’’
Gals, I don’t mean this shit…. It’s just a snapshot in time…. The cycle’s in progress as we speak…..

Sunday, December 7, 2008

A tune, chord & an Imaginery Friend

There Aint no combination of words i can put on the back of a postcard,
Aint no song that i can sing, but i can try for your heart....
Our Dreams are made outta real things, just like a shoe box of photographs.... (Jack Johnson)
Another tune, a chord & an imaginery friend!
songs never to be sung?

Hey there Delilah i know times are getting hard,
Just beleive me girl, someday i'll pay the bills with this guitar
we'll have it all.....
we'll live the life we knew we would, my word is good (Plain white T's)
Another tune, a chord and an Imaginery friend!
songs never to be sung?

I hold you in my arms, as the band plays
what are those words whispered baby, just as you turn away....
so tell me what i see, when i look in your eyes
is it you baby, or just a brilliant disguise? (Bruce Springstein)
Another tune, a chord and an Imaginery friend!
songs never to be sung?

Friday, December 5, 2008

Messy Christmas



A Shitty Christmas tree to remind me of a likewise season....

Still whining about not getting a bonus.... :-(

The CockBlocker!! - The Saga Continues

Now, this is not originally my creation, just a facinating mail i received sometime back which i don't think got it's deserved level of circulation.... hence i've decided to do my part & letting everyone in on this.. Enjoy!


The wingman is arguably the noblest creature to ever step into a barroom.
Who else, with cavalier disregard for his personal reputation, is so willing to throw himself upon the cruel mercies of a brazen man-hater, just so his buddy can hook up with a sorority girl with big gazongas? Who else, with just a hint of a grimace, will selflessly dirty dance with a creature so hideous that no amount of hard liquor will wash the stain from his memory? Who else, especially if he’s loaded to the gills, will stand in the deepest depths of hell just so a pal can climb up his back into hook-up heaven?
Whose sterling motto is, "You are going to so owe me, dude."?
None else but the wingman, the King Leonidas of the saloon.
What a Wingman Does And just as that brave (some say suicidally insane) Spartan king and his hundred warriors laid down their lives against a hundred thousand Persians, so will the wingman, with the right amount of prodding, recklessly lunge into battle against foes twice his size and half his intellect, fully knowing there is no way in hell that the night will end well.
It usually goes down like this:
A male (the flight leader) spots an attractive female (the bombing target) across the bar. But alas, she is not alone. She is paired with a tragically less attractive friend (the cock blocker). And they seem quite close, so close that the BT is unlikely to abandon her CB for a guy she just met.
The FL knows he’ll never be able to successfully complete his bombing run without proper air cover, and this is where the wingman comes into play. The wingman will engage the CB and pin her down long enough for the FL to finish his run, and hopefully bomb his target back to his bedroom.
Of course, there’s much more to the task than distracting the CB while the FL makes his move. Wingman skills have been honed and passed down since someone decided women should be allowed into bars. Strategies have evolved and tactics have been polished to the point that the wingman has become a super-specialized warrior in the eternal Battle of the Sexes. And like all specialists, they’ve developed their own lingo.


Wingman Jargon
air superiority when the flight team has established a comfortable conversation with the BT and CB.
BT bombing target; the hot chick.
banzai shot much as kamikaze pilots were given a ceremonial shot of sake before being sealed in their cockpits, the flight leader should buy his wingman a shot prior to a mission.
betty an alliteration of Bombing Target.
bogie a friend of the BT that has not yet been identified as a CB.
CB cock blocker; the hot girl’s troublesome friend and sworn enemy of the wingman. Also called a bandit.
dogfight dancing with a CB.
FL flight leader; also called the bombardier.
flak snide remarks made by a CB in an attempt to drive the flight team from the skies.
flying blind when the wingman indulges in so much in-flight refueling he jeopardizes the mission.
getting pinged initial eye contact with a BT.
in-flight refueling when a wingman orders a flurry of shots to help him complete his mission.
kamikaze mission when the wingman is likely to end up in the clutches of the CB.
landing gear a wingman’s self-respect; if a FL asks his wingman to "leave his landing gear behind," he’s preparing the wingman for a flak storm or kamikaze mission.
POW Prisoner of a Warthog; to go home with a CB, the supreme sacrifice of a wingman.
Pig Alley a play off of the Korean War’s infamous MIG Alley, this describes a BT swarming with CBs.
shite leader a would-be flight leader without the skills to complete the mission.


Promising you an epic sequal to this post!! i leave you for now....

Thursday, December 4, 2008

Lenny Kravitz - on Y FM

First of all, i'm a huge fan of creativity & originality within the singaleese music industry.

Okay! Okay! i admit, huge fan would be stretching it.... it starts like this,

i was on my way to the hell hole (Workplace), obviously hitching a ride with an unsuspecting colleague who thinks my prime reason for hitching a ride is anything but saving cost & more to do with some reason unknown to me, during which i get my daily does of Amaradeva, B&S, Kapugedara (Oh shit! he's the cricketer aint he...? F*** that) , Centipedes or gradz, Poop Dogg also known as IrAj (Hell yeah!! you feel me now eh???) .....

Anyway, i was shocked to realize that some mediocre singlish singer had the audacity to actually use the Music from Lenny Kravitz's ''It aint over till it's over'' as his background music...... I know i probably sound like a snob right now, but it doesnt make any sense does it??? I mean here's a guy with obviously good taste in Music to be using lenny Kravitz material serving horseshit on Y fm, no matter how hard i tried i just couldnt figure this guys profile out..... or else maybe he just didnt know????

Either way.... i think it's quite amazing how so many local artists are just really smart as opposed to talented, makes you appreciate the likes of Amaradeva, Kapuge etc. who were at least totally authentic.....

Memory of you

A beauty augmented
Inconsiderate passion ignited
Her silhouette a herald of beauty untold
Unseen
Trapped from within
Unleashing a fresh gesture of eloquent splendor,

My world stood still
My eyes Chastised
How much can a man endure?
Her every move, magical expression
Like transcending ripples of color and flair
Painting the night sky with stars ablaze,

Seven winters elapsed, you’ve gone away
A picture of you haunting my mind
Still vivid, as the eighth approach
It’s color still bright, it’s scent still fresh
An obsession, not replaced
By the hands of time


Note – Thought of writing something about this person I met sometime back….
She came & went,
The image??? the thought has a song to it too... ha ha

Wednesday, December 3, 2008

Merryll Christmas Boys and Girls!!

New Gym membership, New runners, a couple of bottles of Alcohol, couple of dates & probably a very merry Christmas is what I’d be sacrificing this Holiday season, all in the name of overcoming the Global financial market crisis & the worst recession the world has seen since the Great depression.
Yes people!! It’s finally in Sri Lanka this festive Christmas season!! F*** Santa giving away free toys to deserving little pricks who were too afraid to wank to their hearts desires seeing Mrs. Anderson taking a shower through their bedroom windows!, I’m talking about the Crisis hitting Sri Lanka.

Watching CNN, Al Ja Zeera & Bloomberg for the past 1 ½ years passionately following how the American economy was Crashing, it was merely educational & to feed my own fascination whilst bordering absolute humor to watch how the great advocates of Democracy & free market Capitalism (I have nothing against either one of these, but believe the state should play an important part in the framework) seemed to have shot themselves in the foot! But I Ain’t Laughing anymore B****!

My soul is in despair,
My Christmas, in taters…
Retail markets, commodities, oil, domestic demand… on a downward Spiral,,,,
The US sinking, retail sales shrinking…..
Oh Victoria!! You seemed to have lost you’re sting, nobody wants to know you’re Secret,

‘’BONUS??? ‘’ My CFO’s rhetoric……
Rationalizing, re organizing, restructuring, VRS, cost control, waste minimization… Ahhggh!!!!!
Why Mr Chairman? Why?
I Swear I’ve been a good little boy this year!!
Santa’s liquidating B****! The reindeers & elves have been sent home….

No Bonus this Christmas! :-(
But hey.... you’ve still got a job :-)
Shut up Dr Phil…. It Ain’t working…..
Ask the reindeers if you don't beleive me!

Sri Lanka beware,
Our exports will dwindle….
50,000? 60,000? How many jobs on the line??
The grim reaper’s in town, & he’s after your jobs….
Spend carefully this Christmas, surely the new Dog can wait??
Wishing you all a merry Bloody Christmas!!
Mine already happens to be a wreck....


Disclaimer: What r u shitting me?? you think you can actually get anything out of me this Christmas…..

Monday, December 1, 2008

The Cockteaser

The weekend was off to the usual bang! (Which translates to me being stuck with 3 or 4 other guys working on some form of assignment that is so remotely placed from anything ''fun'' that it makes Siberia seem just a mile away from the sexy beaches of Pattaya). Whilst most 22 year olds were ''getting it on'' after a long week on Friday night & into the wee hours of Saturday, i was stuck trying to convince myself that i was having more fun reading, discussing, typing & hopelessly trying to understand the irritatingly monotonous world of International Trade Law.
3 Cups of Coffee, 4 Gold leafs (A cigarette that most Sri Lankan P****s refuse to admit as their humble begining before they actually were able to afford Cartier), 1 bottle of coke & only 9 pages of material later we decided to call it a night. Time - 3am.

A beautiful morning bought with it the agonizingly UGLY voice of my host at 6 F***** am. After being man handled into getting into study mode, we were at it by 6.30am again. Filled with illusion, the new day bought with it the hope of finishing off what we had started the night before.
Now for all of those who are wondering WTF all this horses**t has to do with a cock teaser, (the definition of which will be shared later) pls bear in mind that the agony of the preceding night & day needs to be shared, so that you too may understand the distress that was to follow. More Coffee, fags (no i do not do faggots, it means cigarettes for those who were almost feeling their skin crawl in disgust) & hard work later, we were done!

It was now 6pm & time to make up for lost time last night! After helping ourselves to a couple of chilled beers & watching the English humiliate themselves in Twickenam again, we were off to a new place in town that i really didn't care about as long as there was cheap booze!! I was to be proven wrong, for worse was to come. Unknown to me & my sorry buddies (who along with me really didn't know the price of booze in this ''New Place'') the the biggest cockteaser was approaching the same location.

Now i know this really is a commonly used term, but for the benefit of all readers..... a Cockteaser is a female that indulges in teasing members of the opposite sex, However she so does it in such a way that the opposite sex knows that the eventuality is that nothing material would ever transpire.

She reminded me of my Childhood, when the sight of a wringling fish at the end of a makeshift fishing rod woulod send shivers up my body.... i Delighted in it! She too wringgled to the tune of the music with such elegant vigour that it became known to all who were there that she was one of them, the dreaded clan of cockteasers!

Now! the sadest part is that no decent guy with any sanity would have ever walked up to her.... for she was politically connected via her group of frieds. I was careful not to stare for i valued my life (Frankly, I'm too broke to be paying any Hospital bills at the moment)
4 guys, 25,000 Rs, not a single dance with one of the opposite sex & a whole night secretly staring at the cockteaser later we decided to call it quits! The cockteaser had won the battle..... This night at least.... for it is the Cockteasers sole objective to agonize guys like us all night long.
She gave us very little respite, we the weary four.

Anal Optic Nerve - Latest Scientific Discovery

Did you know that in the human body there is a nerve that connects the eyeball to the anus?
It's called the Anal Optic Nerve, and it is responsible for giving people a shitty outlook on life.
If you don't believe it, try to pull a hair from your arse and see if it doesn't bring tears to your eyes.

The Stamford Bridge Hoodoo - Broken!


The stamford Bridge Hoodoo has finally been broken by the out of form gunners!

it has been alomost 5 long winters since the invincibles of 2004 beat the men from Chelsea, many Gunners have come & gone since....

but too few have tasted the glory of winning the coveted London derby at Stamford Bridge!!

Dutchmen Robin Van Persie clinically finished off 2 scoring oppotunities within 3 minutes in the second half to seal a glorious victory for the young Arsenal team. Final score Arseal 2 -1 Chelsea.